Apa Nak Dibuat?

"Atas jalan raya, hujan lebat. Kereta banyak ni. Lebatnya sampai susah nak nampak kenderaan lain di jalan raya."
"Soalnya bagaimana nak membolehkan kenderaan lain nampak saya supaya tidak berlaku kemalangan? Mestilah pasang hazard light kan? Dengan memasang hazard mesti kereta di belakang akan perasan dan dan lebih berhati-hati. Takkan nak pasang lampu dak? Bukan malam pun."

Genius!

"Hujan masih lebat, hazard light sudah dipasang. Kereta lain mesti kagum dengan teknik yang saya gunakan untuk memberi amaran tentang kehadiran saya dihadapan mereka."
"Ops nampaknya saya sudah hampir ke destinasi. Sekarang saya berada di lorong kanan dan saya ingin masuk ke simpang kiri. Kereta banyak ni. Kalau nak masuk aje macam saya buat selalu macam takut pulak. Oh ni kena bagi signal ni. Tick."
"Eh nanti dulu. Dengan hazard light yang terpasang ni, apa akan jadi kalau saya signal ke kiri? Apakah lampu belah kiri akan nampak lebih laju dari signal belah kanan? Err, ke nak kena bukak tingkap hulur tangan?"

Genius!!!

In Your Face

To unlock the keypad of this new Nokia phone, you just have to push the hangup button, causing the display to light up and then tap on the Unlock touch button on the screen. Touch button?

Yup, very simple. One press of a key followed by a single touch on the screen. Why not right? Come to think of it, this small phone could be making a statement. It could simply be a big "fuck you" to all the smartphones requiring the user to slide their fingers on the screen to unlock the phones, in a subtle way.

Pretty pointless now huh?

Sampaian

Ditujukan kepada diri sendiri dan kepada mana-mana yang berkenaan

There's Something About Robocop

I don't remember when was the last time I watched Robocop. It was most probably during the early nineties. But two scenes from the movie that I can recall are the scenes where Murphy meets his death and the antagonist Broddicker gets killed in the final fight. And from that recollection, it is safe for me to say that RoboCop or the RoboCop series in general, is probably one of the most sadistic popular movies to be shown on national television.

Now to justify my words, I have seek the help of Youtube to refresh my memory. Here is the link to Murphy's death. You know, the one before he got turned into a robot.

Anyway let me walk you through this video first before you go and watch it, because it's graphic.

* Alex Murphy gets cornered by Broddicker and gang. He knocks Murphy down, steps on his arm and begins to tease Murphy with his shortgun. Then, he blows off Murphy's right hand and continues to make series of puns. Everyone laughs. Murphy, in agony, got up like he's going to escape only to realise that its impossible. One the crooks shoots his arm off completely. Everyone starts pumping bullets into Murphy's torso each with a shotgun. Shotguns. This shooting goes on about 15 seconds while Murphy refuses to die. It all ends as Broddicker puts one in the forehead. *

Now tell me this is not sadistic. They purposely make Murphy very resistant to death just for the sake of sadism. If Murphy was the antagonist, he would be shot in the neck and die instantly. But then again, nothing of sort would ever happen to a hero in a movie unless he would later be resurrected into an invincible force, as in the case with Murphy. This is of course the director's way of playing with the audience emotions. We the audience, having witnessed such a brutal murder of the hero, would automatically be rooting for Murphy's vengeance in his latter life. Which is a sick but very popular tactic.

This plot drive has been used in countless of films, just not particularly the same as in RoboCop's case. Bravehart for example, developed a successful one. William Wallace's wife gets murdered in the early part of the film, although not as brutal as Murphy's death, it was shown as such to intentionally instill anger in the audience as if it happened to their own family. From there on, the audience will see every move by Wallace as epic. Cheap tactic, I know.

Now let's look at the other scene where Broddicker meets his maker.

* Robocop lures Broddicker and gang into a steel foundry (or something like that) and begins to play hide and seek. The nigro dies first, as always. The gang disperse trying to look for Robocop. A series of chases ensue. Robocop's next victim is the truck driver who runs into a strategically placed toxic waste tank, after being tricked by Robocop. He lives but is turned into and unarmed Uruk hai. While Broddicker is being chased by Lewis he drove into the uruk hai killing him instantly, bursting into pieces. As things unfolds, Robocop manages to corner Broddicker. As he tries to talk his way out, an accomplice drops tons of steel onto Robocop and blasts him with a big ass gun. Seeing Robocop struggling under the rubble Broddiceker attacks him with a steel rod and thrusts it into Robocop's chest. While screaming in agony, Robocop kills Broddicker by stabbing him in the neck with the best 'middle finger' in film's history. *

First, the truck driver could have died instantly. Or robocop could have shot him once he got washed out from the truck. But no, they instead have to make him zombie-like and kill him in the worst way possible. Then, in the final part, Robocop could have killed Broddicker the moment he confronts him. Instead they made sure that Robocop endured a series of torture before ending it all. The fact that he is a robot gave the scriptwriters freedom to torture him, and not die.

Nothing short of sadism here. Marquis de Sade would be laughing and making puns in his grave.

Now, probably some of you would think, what about other films like Saw, Hostel and countless other slasher movies? Why pick on Robocop? Here's where the words popular and national tv in my statement are to be emphasized. It all goes down to how the Robocop franchise was promoted. Audience of all ages saw Robocop as a superhero. The movie is like a superhero movie in the likes of Superman, Spiderman and Batman. Which children dig. They even have figurines of Robocop for children.

I remembered how the Murphy death scene was giving me nightmares back then. It is really surprising to look back at that scene and thinking how I was exposed to such violence on tv at such young age.

As disturbing as it is, I still think Robocop as one of the finest robot films ever made, surpassing most of CGI-rich rubbish we see these days.

Mocker Nature

That morning the sky mocked me. Literally. The sky said:

"Hey you, good morning!. What a lovely day eh? I'm feeling super today. Look here, i just dimmed the sun here so that it won't too glaring for you eyes. I've adjusted the colour so that it will create golden linings around the clouds. Cool ain't it. Then I scattered the clouds in a way that it is not too overwhelming, but a the same time presenting a strong presence. I've also made some holes here and there so that some rays of light are visible. Oh and look at that shade of blue. It's like you've just pulled the gradient line in Photoshop between cyan and ocean blue. Just perfect. You know, this will make a marvelous picture. You should snap one.. Oh wait a minute, I forgot. You just lost your camera."

But then, when I actually found my camera, I didn't feel the urge to snap a picture of the beautiful day anyway.

Masak

Dalam Bahasa Melayu, masak mempunyai banyak maksud.

Pertama sekali, masak iaitu yang biasa kita buat di dapur, seperti memasak ikan, memasak tauge atau memasak risotto. Ini adalah yang paling koman digunakan dalam sehari. Ini kerana kita, manusia biasa, memang biasa memakan makanan yang dimasak. Ok.

Kedua, dan juga koman seperti yang pertama ialah proses buah menjadi ranum secara semulajadi. Buah, contohnya seperti buah mempelam akan bertukar dari hijau ke kuning apabila telah masak. Proses ini boleh terjadi ketika buah itu masih di atas pokok ataupun ketika disimpan dalam almari.

Ketiga, rasanya bukan rasmi, tetapi lebih kepada slanga, iaitu menunjukkan seseorang itu dalam masalah. Seseorang itu akan mengatakan dirinya masak apabila tersilap melakukan sesuatu, biasanya melibatkan orang lain seperti terjahanamkan mesin stamping milik syarikat. Mengatakan dirinya masak kerana dia tahu bahawa kesan daripada tindakannya dia akan dihukum.

Tetapi apabila situasi itu melibatkan hanya diri sendiri, tetapi skalanya agak besar seperti tidak pasti di mana kali terakhir meletak kamera jenis GF1 berserta lensa 20mm, yang sekarang kalau di pasaran eropah mencecah 900 dollar, perkataan masak juga nampak sesuai. Walaupun tidak ada hukuman kesan dari itu, tetapi perasaan masak itu sendiri menjadi hukuman.

Meminjam amalan orang Ambon yang meletakkan huruf 'e' di hujung beberapa perkataan, aku menamakan situasi ini sebagai 'masake'.

Dan jikalau benar-benar kamera tadi telah hilang, apa yang boleh dibuat? Masak tauge?

Little Anarchists

Aku teringat bagaimana ditulis AKAB tentang budak-budak kecil sebagai simbol anarki. Berlari-lari tanpa peduli orang sekeliling. Memang betul, geram aje kadang-kadang.

Apapun tempoh hari semasa di kenduri sedara, aku terdengar anak-anak buah aku bermain kejar-kejar.

"Jom main polis sentri, saya jadi polis awak jadi pengurus"

Haha. Geli hati pada mulanya. Macam mana pencuri boleh tertukar jadi pengurus. Hehe budak-budak.

Tapi bila aku pikirkan balik, hubungan kedua-duanya, oh my these kids are good. Polis, Pengurus. Budak-budak ni memang dah naik level. Kecik-kecik dah pandai mock jenayah kolar putih. Salut!